“The attitude that you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from, more than what you tell them. They don’t remember what you tried to teach them. They remember what you are.” – Jim Henson
We can learn how to be happy from our children. When babies are born they are happy just to be here. It is impossible to find an unhappy baby! They don’t care how expensive or beautiful the blanket around them is, they only want to be loved, hugged, kissed and they want to give their smiles and love back to us.
They are irresistibly lovable and adorable and at the same time they have their own personality we accept and love at that moment. We need to learn how to help them explore the world in a positive way, love and respect their uniqueness. We need to remember the happiness and love they were born with.
Do not use pregnancy as an achievement – such as to get a man/woman, to establish a relationship or get set up in another country, make a point to your parents, control somebody, get revenge, or to get attention. If you even remotely want to have a child, if the thought is just a seed buried in the darkness, then you should endeavor to have one. Why? Because beyond all reasoning, all pragmatism, is a single inarguable and under-publicized truth: loving a child is a joy..
When asked how I was dealing with the problems that I had with my kids I would usually answer that I didn’t have problems with them because I didn’t look at them as problems, only as situations that need extra attention and explanation. When we teach our kids responsibility and give them the opportunity to fulfill these responsibilities, we are building trust between us, and from there comes a mutual understanding of so called problems.
We are all unique and so are our kids, each of them in their own way. We are all connected to our kids with invisible but very much coming from the bottom of our loving hearts cord. This video is so cute proving how much we are all connected, I, personally, have tears in my eyes every time I watch it.
MAGIC WORDS TO USE WITH YOUR CHILD
“I’m glad I have you”
Children believe they move the world and by doing so something good will happen. They think the sun rises because they want it to, and the same way they view themselves (from their point of view) they are responsible for everything else. For example; family issues, accidents and quarrels. That’s why the child wants to be sure that you are happy because you have him/her. Never allow yourselves to make statements like: “because of you, I should just give up on…”, “if not for you, I would …”
“I love you”
Children must believe that you love them for who they are, therefore do not associate this feeling with any other terms such as “first clean your room”, or with their actions such as “you lied to me, how can I love you”.
Your child will understand, if you would say, “I love you very much, but how you treat your brother/friend/neighbor is not good.”
“I trust you”
Children will always try to justify your trust in them. Just knowing you believe in them, they, in turn, will have confidence in themselves and others. If parents constantly doubt their child such as “what if something happens… “,” how can I know if it’s ok with you… “,” I don’t know if you can… ” – if a kid is offended they will hold back, feel misunderstood, abandoned. Therefore as often as you can say “I trust you”.
“I understand you”
Lost my teddy bear, betrayed by a friend, afraid of darkness – those are a child’s biggest griefs. In such cases, the child is in need of sympathy and comfort. Attempts to cheer him up with words like: “this is just a toy”, “why do you need this nonsense”, or “Ghosts don’t actually exist” are not clear for a child. They are from the adult world, based on their experience that a child does not have yet.
“You will succeed”
Promotion and endorsement need to be provided for children in the areas that are understandable for parents, or they take it for granted. The words “well done”, “I knew that you can” or “proud” encourages a kid. On the other hand, such labels as “cry-baby”, “sissy”, “deadhead,” or statements like “you would lose anyway”, or “you just can’t get it right” could permanently undermine a child’s self confidence.
“I’m proud of you”
This encouragement is a huge need to a child. These words would give the ability for normal self esteem and desire to develop in a proper way, desire to explore more and do it right, to make the parent more proud.
“I will be there for you”
“No matter what happens, my parents always help me” — this knowledge helps to overcome a lot. In the daily bustle it may not always be possible to put things aside and give your time exclusively to the child. But you can comfort a child with words like: “It’s interesting! I will finish my business soon and then I’ll have time for you, and you can tell me everything about it”. It will be more clear for the child than if you said, “I can’t now” Do not forget to keep your promises! Leading by example this teaches a child to keep their word.
The worst thing you can say to your child it’s that he/she did something bad, because kids take things like this literally and will think for a very long time that everything they do is bad. It can discourage them for a very long time. Kids need to believe in themselves, and you need to understand that the pressure you put on them, makes them separate themselves from many important things.
Perspectives on Discipline and Punishment
Discipline is training through which we develop a degree of self-control and self-sufficiency. In terms of personal growth, we often need to develop self-discipline and confidence. By learning a degree of wisdom, knowing when to speak and when to remain silent, when to act and when to do nothing, we are able to lead a more successful life.
Self-discipline is something even more subtle, allowing us to develop our own standards – the path that brings us what is required for the life we envisioned.
A child’s attitude toward discipline is often reflected by his/her attitude to punishment. The two terms are often confused, but the best way to describe the difference between them is to emphasize the positive associations of “discipline” and the negative meaning of “punishment”.
Discipline should arise out of respect for children and their capabilities and allow them to develop focus. Punishment is based on a parents perception of wrong behavior, or a lack of self management on your part. While in both cases there may be a figure of authority (parent or guardian), discipline develops power for the child to take control of themselves and surroundings while punishment implies power and dominance over the child.
Discipline is intended to be educational while punishment is often used to inflict pain, physical or emotional, and is often used in an attempt to easy the frustration and anger of the parent.
Discipline focuses on preventing further bad behavior by encouraging the understanding of internal control; punishment, in reverse, is a method of pushing external controls which may not change future behavior, unless the child understand the reason for punishment.
Discipline can strengthen family bonds and a sense of value results; punishment, especially if it’s continual, takes values away from both, who is punishing and sufferer, and usually causes a deterioration of relationships.
Both discipline and punishment behavior patterns are transmitted to the next generation. Epigenetic – new science – has proven this aspect.